Held
by Obsessed Authoress
Summary: Tragedy brought them closer together, only to tear them apart in the end. In picking up the shattered pieces, perhaps they will gather the shards of their selves. Or perhaps Grief is a stronger master then Life. RaikouxGau, YoitexMiharu, GauxMiharu


A/N- Wow, my last post of 2009! That's crazy to think about... And what do ya know, my first _Nabari_ fanfic! Just so y'all know, this has SPOILERS for the end of the anime, so if you haven't seen that or are planning to, you probably shouldn't read this. This chapter takes place between episode 18 and 19. ...I like the manga better...

So, um...this is going to be a three-shot, with three different pairings that all end up intertwined- and I'm not going to ruin it by saying anymore. :P

Oh yeah, and if you miss the honorifics, that's because I just finished watching the English dub of the anime and now all the English voice actors are stuck in my head whenever I try to write their characters... XD At the end of this chapter are two lines that are directly from the English dub (in italics and quotes) and those don't belong to me either, just so everyone knows...

Okay, that was long. Hope you enjoy! -OA

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**Held**

_By ObsessedAuthoress_

Disclaimer: I do not own _Nabari no Ou_, manga or anime, characters, etc....and it's really a shame, because they're all so pretty...

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**Part One: To Hurt**

The room was dark, completely devoid of illumination save for the tiny bar of light peeping in under the door. The murmur of voices from the hallway outside was faint, just a gentle hum in the background.

The room was dark, and the floor was cold, and he was barefoot, but he didn't particularly care. His world, as small as it was, as small as it had always been, was even narrower now, only wide enough to include one other person. The person sitting on the bed in front of him, head in hands.

Gau shifted slightly, a feeling of distress welling within him; at the same time he was oddly detached, because how long had it been since he actually _felt_ something? The blackness had held him for what seemed like an eternity, and the only thing he'd been able to do was search, seeking that sweet, calm smile and loving embrace…

"_Gau_…" The whisper, heart-rending in its despair, made his head come up quickly. "Please…_please_ tell me that you hate me," was breathed into a pair of strong white hands. Hands more used to wielding a katana than-

The curly-haired teen jerked backwards as if he'd been struck, dark eyes wide. "What? _Hate you_? I could never hate you, Raikou! Never! I told you, I want to be with you! I always want to be by your side!"

The words were intended to comfort, but they didn't seem to have that effect. A groan filtered through long, slim fingers. "…It's my fault that you've been dragged into this, dragged into the world of Nabari, put in danger countless times…it's my fault that you got hurt. _My fault_. How can you just- It would be better if you lived in the surface world, a life without all of this." Murmured at the end, under a soft breath, "A life without _me_."

"_No_!" Gau bent down, shaking his head violently, and tugged the forlorn samarai's hands away from his face. Brown eyes stared up at him, startled, pale lips parted with the same emotion. "No, it's not your fault! I chose this, I chose to enter the world of Nabari! It's _not_ your fault, Raikou!"

The Kairoushu's no-longer-swordsman leaned forward suddenly, those eyes narrowing. "And my blade, slashing your flesh?" he said coldly, reaching out and resting a palm against the younger boy's chest; Gau felt its chill seep through the thin cotton of his shirt. Raikou shuddered minutely, head dipping. "Would you also say that isn't my fault?" he continued, the sharpness in his voice fading into bitter regret.

Gau swallowed. "I…I stepped…between the two of you," he said quietly. "You wouldn't have hurt me if you'd known I was going to be there."

Raikou gave a soft, sad little laugh. "Such trust…" Tears, crystalline even in the darkness of the room, slipped from eyes the shade of chocolate. The young man didn't even seem aware of them. "And so you would neatly absolve me of my many sins." His hand fell away from Gau's chest, removing its cold touch, and Gau felt inexplicably alone from the lack of contact. "I don't understand," Raikou said, looking up at him. "…How can you simply forgive me like this?"

Gau stood still for a moment, returning the other's gaze for a moment. Then he dropped to his knees on the tile floor and wrapped his arms around Raikou's waist, cheek pressed to the older man's collarbone. "I…always…want to be with you," he whispered.

It wasn't even a proper answer to the question, but maybe Raikou wouldn't have understood anyway.

In Gau's eyes, Raikou hadn't done anything wrong.

The eldest Shimizu went stiff with shock over Gau's embrace, but slowly his arms crept around the teen's slender frame, resting his chin atop that head of dark, wild hair. Gau held on tightly, tears of his own escaping to dampen Raikou's yellow sweater.

He had searched so long in that darkness of his sleep, seeking a sweet, calm smile and loving embrace-

-Only to find that it was here all along, here waiting for him.

_Thank you so much, Yoite, for bringing me back. _

He felt Raikou slide off the edge of the bed and stand, hands hooking under Gau's arms and pulling him up into a strong, sure grasp. He shifted his grip, thin wrists locked behind Raikou's neck as the young man gently lowered him onto the bed, as gentle as if he were a child. It was one of the things that Gau loved about Raikou.

No matter what happened- _no matter what had happened in the past-_ he always felt _safe_.

Raikou crouched over Gau's form, the teen's arms still wrapped around his neck. Dusky rose locks slipped past his shoulders, falling in his face. So pale, that beautiful face, Gau thought absently. He shivered as Raikou pressed equally white lips to his forehead; the Wakachi's hands had been cold, but his mouth was warm. And yet, he shivered…?

The young man pulled away and looked at the boy silently. Gau could hear his heart, pounding in his chest, echoing in his ears, hard and fast. The quiet and still made him anxious- _Why are you looking at me like that? What are you thinking?-_ and so he arched up and planted a hesitant, feather-soft kiss. It tasted of salt, traces of tears left on Raikou's cheek.

The kiss broke the silence, the motionless tableau. Raikou gave an ever-so-slight smile before he lowered his head and captured Gau's mouth firmly with his own.

And suddenly the world was a haze of sensation.

Fire, burning in a hot cavern that seemed to swallow him whole, its heat transferred by the smooth, wet tongue that dominated his.

Ice, skimming over his skin; Gau hadn't even noticed Raikou undoing the buttons of his hospital-issue shirt, not until cool fingertips were outlining the curves of his shoulders, the faint edge of his clavicle.

Fire and ice. Two sides to one being. The fierce swelter of loyalty and the cold mantle of duty, melded together in one body, under one name.

Ghosting fingers paused on their way down his abdomen, motionless at the start of ridged flesh, and Gau opened his eyes- _when had he closed them?- _to meet Raikou's gaze. The young man's eyes were anguished as he gently traced the still-raw scar stretching over chest and stomach.

"_God_, Gau…" Raikou breathed. His other hand reached up and cupped the teen's jaw just as gently. "How _could_ I- how can _you_ just-?"

Dark curls shifted against the white pillowcase with another strong shake of the head. "Don't look at it," Gau whispered, cutting the other off. "Don't." His hands covered Raikou's, prying trembling fingers away from the ugly reminder hewn into his flesh. "Just…look at me, Raikou. Please. Always…" Warm brown eyes, still horrified, were finally tugged away from the sight, fixing on Gau's face. The touch to his jaw tightened slightly, became a little more desperate, and then Raikou leaned down quickly for another kiss, one that tasted also of desperation.

_Make me forget. _

Gau lost himself in the caresses, urgency and need flowing through them like electricity. More sensations. Head tipping back with a half-moan as lips found his throat, the hollow where his pulse throbbed. Those same lips blazing a trail of flame over bare skin toward his navel. Strong hands running down his sides to encircle his waist, then farther down to press against his hips.

"…I will…never hurt you…again," the older one murmured, sliding up the younger one's body again, breathing his promise in one ear. That moist tongue emerged to graze the ear's inner shell, brushing past the lobe to the skin beneath it. "Never…again."

"I know," the boy replied softly, wrapping his arms around that familiar slender frame and pulling the samurai closer. Heartbeat to heartbeat. "I know you won't." The tail end of the words was consumed, gasped into the delicious mouth that overtook him once more.

Friction of two forms against each other, static of cotton sliding over disheveled pink hair, muted thud of discarded clothes hitting the floor, delicate shudders as cool air met newly-bared skin.

It was all there, the sights and sounds and feelings coursing through him faster than he could register, sweeping him away in a wave of pain and pleasure. Of ecstasy.

And in the end, when they lay together in sated contentment, limbs intertwined, Gau knew; the thought was still present, steady and sure like the rise and fall of Raikou's chest with each breath.

_You'll never hurt me. _

_You never did.

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_

"_RAIKOU!" _

"_You KILLED__ him!"

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_

Blood.

Blood everywhere, pooling on the floor beneath the motionless body, seeping between the cracks of the floorboards, staining everything a condemning crimson.

Crimson like the red spider lilies, resting like pendants over the Wakachi's corpses-

He screamed and moved without thought, heedless of the fact that it would do no good. It didn't matter that he lasted all of three seconds before merciless hands struck, delivering sharp pain and then flinging him into the wall. His head cracked against the wood, limp form slumping to the ground, and everything was darkness…

_But…why? _

_You said…_

_You said you'd never hurt me.

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_

A/N- And there you go, part one complete. I'll try to get working on the rest pretty quick... Hope you liked it! Send me reviews, they make me giddy! Thanks! -OA


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